40

I’m officially depressed about turning 40. It just snuck up on me. I’ve never been one to worry about age or fret about birthdays, but this year is different. A large part of it is due to the fact that I’m still overweight and hormonal from having a baby – nothing will make you feel less sexy. And sexy is what you’re supposed to feel at 40 right? To usher in the new older, wiser, I-don’t-care-what-people-think you.

My other hangup is that I’m in a crossroads in my career. 40 is when I envisioned having all my shit together, great job, great family, the works. Luckily I got the great family part and frankly that’s what I’d rather have anyway. But there’s this nagging feeling that I *shouldn’t* be wondering what I want to be when I grow up at 40.

All the self pity got me thinking about compassion again. Why is it we seem to find it easier to feel compassionate towards strangers and we’re harder on those we know – specifically ourselves? If I were listening to someone else describe these same feelings, I can actually hear all the wonderful sage advice I’d have for them. But can I apply that same advice to myself? Well, only after some real yelling at my pity self to wake up and listen to my sage self!

We are always hardest on ourselves. For me, this starts a spiral of negative thinking that has to hit bottom before I can reverse the effect. But practicing self-compassion just feels wrong doesn’t it? Maybe it shouldn’t, maybe we need to try and have more self-compassion (not pity) and forgive ourselves more so that we can learn to forgive others. And if you end up losing 10 pounds and feeling sexy in the process, bonus!

One thought on “40

  1. Matt Bennett says:

    For the record, Jodi’s not over-wieght (and I haven’t noticed huge hormonal swings either) :-)… xoxoxox

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