confessions

I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to write for pleasure. I’ve been writing a lot for work lately but it’s just not the same. I’ve realized too what a wonderfully cathartic process writing is for me. I know this because I’ve felt very much not at peace since I stopped. I find my mind gets muddled by little petty things and I start to loose focus on what really matters.

Reading is the same way, and that I have been doing. But the religion theme was weighing down on me and I had to move on to something lighter. What I ended up reading was a book called “Confessions of an Economic Hit Man”. Hardly light if you’ve read it. But something everyone should read. I made my book club read it and vowed to give it to everyone I knew having a birthday, which thus far has been my brother.

For me it was one of those eye opening books where you go “holy crud, does our government really do this??” Now I’ve had people tell me I’m naïve and everyone knows this is how our government behaves. Which frankly is a lame answer because it betrays a sort of “oh well” attitude. I actually bought a different car because of it… my immensely small effort to get away from our dependency on oil (despite the fact that those I love most work for oil companies!)

So my guilt’s been getting the better of me. I’ve almost completely stopped going to Catholic Church with my ex and the kids. It’s more than just being lazy – I do feel like it’s just not honest. And if I want to teach my kids honesty shouldn’t I demonstrate that? My ex has also been pissing me off lately by subtly playing the guilt trip of my non attendance. Which only made me not want to go more!

I’m still not sure what to do about my feelings or how to talk to the kids about my spiritual needs vs. theirs. I still fully support their church attendance I just want them to understand two things: 1) no matter how right you think your religion is, someone else feels just as strongly about theirs, 2) no one can prove any of it anyway. These are harder things to teach than they might sound like. And since I still believe very strongly that I’m totally right about things and others are wrong, I’m having a hard time figuring how to live out this particular theory in a very kind and generous way. Any ideas are appreciated!

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2 thoughts on “confessions

  1. Matt Bennett says:

    Let’s take the kids to the quaker house this weekend!! >:-)

  2. Benedict says:

    I know exactly what you mean about not having the time to write for pleasure. My blog has been so sporadic for the last 6-7 months because of that very thing; research writing, dissertations, courses to draft, short notes, and so on. But I find that pleasure writing is so cathartic, as long as I do it when I’m able to. May it be so with you as well!

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