I had a vision last night of what my spiritual journey is feeling like. It’s not been good. As I reflected on my negative feelings about this search a flash of being dragged by my feet screaming into a dark cave by a big blob came to mind. I could see it happening, but it didn’t scare me, I just found the screaming annoying. Then the blob dragged me out of sight and the other me, the watcher, was left in silence, relieved that it was gone.
I’m not sure what to make of it. I’m finding my search, my journey annoying? distracting? something I’d be better off without? Maybe, I’m just not trying hard enough to just the opposite – too hard? Should I take it as a sign that I’m meant to be an atheist and give up the search?
I know one thing, that big black blob dragging me into the cave, that was me too. So where was God in all this drama? Where is he in my search? Is it to me focused to go anywhere? Maybe I should drag the “me” out of my search and I’d have more luck. Or at least more peace and quiet.